“You’re worried,” she says.“I am?” I try not to sound surprised. “I can hear it. In your voice. Why are you so worried?”I swallow. Gather my thoughts. “Well, I just–““You trust me, yes? Trust me? This?”I swallow again, and try to think, carefully. “Yes, I do, I do, but it means putting everything else on […]

I’ve been thinking of fire. As an analogy. Not in terms of anything. But in terms of me, of myself. And how others, as fuel, if you will, affect me. React with me. I am the fire. Some may be gasoline, causing a pyre that burns fast and furious, but dies out rather quickly, leaving only […]

I’m once more sitting at the window at the top of the house, having a smoke.I see, in the park, before and below me, two people sitting, and a dog standing, on the grass. The dog: a brindle mastiff of some sort, he has the mastiff features: huge head, drop ears, the promise of height and massiveness, and […]

It’s a very satisfying thing to find someone who could (and initially does) prove to be a valuable resource. I take research very seriously. It’s important to me that I get the facts straight, that I get pertinent information clear in my head. Fact checking is a huge part of my research. Yes, I’m a […]

She calls me, later than expected, and within seconds, it’s obvious she is extremely frustrated and aggravated. She has spent the last four days with her mother, who is deeply grieving the loss of her husband, and who had chosen to go somewhere that re-awakened hugely painful memories of the times spent at this very […]

I go up to the room at the top of the house, as I often do, to have a smoke. The window there looks out onto a park where, more often than not, there are children of varying ages playing, their mothers look on, or chat with other mothers, or couples lounge, apart or together, […]

He’s been gone for such a short time now. I miss him. God, how I miss him. I think about the things I’d like to talk to him about. How I’d like to tell him about all the good things that are currently happening in my life. How I know he’d be so happy, so proud. […]

It’s a startling thing, to receive something you have long anticipated, yet never really expected. I received my publishing contract today. For my first novel. A piece of work written, roughly, over the course of 10 years, though granted not full time. Life gets in the way. I started the novel in the summer of […]

I have seen many sunrises and sunsets. I make it a point of doing so. If I am not someplace where I can view either easily, I have made a point of going to somewhere I can do so. To see it. To experience it. To feel it.This…habit of mine, if you will, applies to […]

I didn’t know I needed instant gratification. That’s not something I ever really paid attention to. The need for instant gratification. The need to put something out there, for someone, and get back what I needed, emotionally, in return, almost immediately. I’d never known that about myself. Until I started playing music. Being a dj, […]