It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged.
Not for lack of ideas. I have countless ideas (okay, some of them are ridiculous, or intensely personal, or maybe, um, walking the fine side of overtly sexual), but I’ve also been doing other things, like working on my current novel, submitting my first novel to a new publisher (and currently waiting on said publisher to discuss said novel, yay!), preparing for a move to a new residence, working diligently at a new job…I’m busy, dammit!
But, BUT, I’ve also been doing one other thing…something I haven’t done in a long, long time: I’m conversing with a woman. Seriously conversing. Like, with serious intentions. This has not happened in quite some time. And I came across her, I mean literally stumbled upon her, at a dating site I joined about 3 months ago. And she’s lovely. A wonderful person. I’m actually excited. The potential excites me. But okay, I should provide some backstory.
I blogged a couple of times about my intention to date, and my joining a couple of dating sites, and how very disgusted I was by them, disgusted and disappointed. Both in the sites, and in the women who…populate them. It often appeared to me that many women were merely on those sites to extol their wonderful attributes, their stunning personalities, their amazing skills (don’t read anything into that…sexual, I mean), and how they would be the PERFECT partner for most any woman. So these women post their profiles, go to all the effort of filling in these questionnaires, many post pictures (if you don’t, I’ve got issues with you right there), and then…NOTHING.
I don’t have self-esteem issues. I’m an attractive woman, and I know it. I have a fine personality, and many excellent characteristics. But not one woman ever messaged me. NOT ONE! This astounded me…at first. Until I really thought about it, and realized that perhaps many women use these sites in a narcissistic manner. “Hey, this is all about me, so I’m going to tell you everything I think you should know, and I’m going to go on and on, but don’t expect me to knock on your door, cuz I don’t do that. You gotta knock on MY door! Haha! Thanks!”
Now, granted, for awhile, I sat back and waited, too. And then it occurred to me (and I was also urged to do so), that I should, perhaps, knock on a few doors. So I did.
I felt defeated and frustrated. And annoyed. And, just so you know, when I get annoyed, I walk away.
But then I thought, some time later, well, okay, this being alone kinda sucks, and the periods of loneliness were cropping up a bit more frequently, and that sucked. So I heard about this other site, heard some really positive comments about it, and I thought, what the hell? I’ve got nothing to lose. So off I went, and joined the new site, and did the profile thing, and posted my picture, and…waited. And waited. And…you guessed it…waited.
Now, to be perfectly frank, for some reason, I really paid attention to my profile, and the site itself. It was different. It seemed more…interactive. I like interactive. Engage me. Let me play. Let me express myself. I can do that! But again, it seemed that many women were just there to yak on about themselves, with no real intention of actually doing what the site is all about: DATING.
Also, I decided that, in order to increase my chances (that sounds terrible, but really, it needs to be said), I should not limit myself to just my city ( which is what I initially had limited myself to…bad idea), or region, or even country. LET’S GO GLOBAL! And omg, the number of amazingly hot women, with wonderfully tantalizing profiles, really snagged my interest. And then I thought, well, settle down, and be the woman you want others to be. So I knocked on a few doors, said polite but flattering things, without any kind of pressure, and….you guessed it…NOTHING. I sent off five such notes. I received four notes of: Hey, thanks, that was really nice of you to say. You live in Canada, huh? Wow. Take care! (insert smiley face.)
And then there was the 5th note. I received a very lovely response from a woman who said my note was a pleasant surprise…and then she actually went on with various comments and anecdotes that were totally engaging and inviting. Even from her profile, I could tell she was intelligent, and grounded, and funny, and attractive. We emailed back and forth for awhile, and then I made the choice to remove the conversation from the dating site to more private, personal email. And after awhile of that, I made the decision to give her my phone number. We’ve been talking steadily, strongly, ever since.
She laughed when I told her the story of how I changed my settings from local to global. Her words: I would never have seen you. I was looking for someone in my backyard. You were busy scouring the world.
There’s also this: She’s accustomed to being the one who does the wooing. The one who seduces. Takes charge. The one who seeks out, makes the connection, and proceeds from there. That’s not happening here. That is so not happening here. I’m the one making the decisions (in a good way). I’m the one sending cards. Email updates. Calling. Flowers. And she likes it. A LOT. This was not a conscious thing on my part…but my subconscious is very powerful. And I know what I need. And so I like this, too. A LOT. It works.
And it’s good.